**Disclaimer. This is a culmination of Gervais, Izzard, Rogan's bits. The object of this post is not to offend, just a little satire. Take what you want from it.**
God: NOAH!!
Noah: Fucking Hell!! Who said that?
God: It was me, God!
Noah: Oh right. You alright?
God: Of course I'm alright, I'm God!
Noah: Right, sorry.
God: Build me an ark.
Noah: Alright.
......
Noah: Can I just clarify, what's an "ark"?
God: It's a big boat thing.
Noah: Right. It's just I have never had any experience in carpen
God: Just build a big boat thing.
Noah: But I....I don't...I'm rather old to be taking on a project like this...
God: Just give it a go, you'll be OK, I'll make sure of it.
Noah: Right. OK and how big should I make it?
God: Very big. It needs to hold 2 of every animal.
Noah: Whoa whoa whoa! I mean the boat building thing fair enough but
God: I told you to make it big.
Noah: Ya I got that, but how am I supposed to get all these animals?
God: Build it and they will come.
Noah: Hold on, am I building a boat or a field?
God: What?
Noah: Never mind.
God: Well you don't have to worry about the fish, they can swim.
Noah: OK, but
God: Or the birds. But get the flightless ones, they'll drown. Not the penguins though, they can swim. But all the other animals.
Noah: Shit. I should be writing this down...
God: Oh for my sake. Hurry up.
.......
Noah: Right, so I get 2 of every animal...
God: Except the swimming ones and the flying ones!
Noah: Ya, except the swimming and flying ones.
God: Yes.
Noah: Won't that cause an enormous ecological rift?
God: What do you mean?
Noah: And how will all these animals get here? Is the Earth even connected like that?
God: Never mind that I will figure that out later.
Noah: And I'm not sure I want to even get on this boat.
God: You have to, it's your duty, as charged by Me!
Noah: Fuck that! I'll build it but I'm not getting on a boat with all those animals. It will be a mad house. Absolute chaos!
God: I never really thought of that...
Noah: Right, I'm out of here. Good luck with that.