God & Noah's conversation about the Ark, as told by Steve.

**Disclaimer. This is a culmination of Gervais, Izzard, Rogan's bits. The object of this post is not to offend, just a little satire. Take what you want from it.** 


God: NOAH!! 
Noah: Fucking Hell!! Who said that? 
God: It was me, God! 
Noah: Oh right. You alright? 
God: Of course I'm alright, I'm God! 
Noah: Right, sorry. 
God: Build me an ark. 
Noah: Alright. 
...... 
Noah: Can I just clarify, what's an "ark"? 
God: It's a big boat thing. 
Noah: Right. It's just I have never had any experience in carpen 
God: Just build a big boat thing. 
Noah: But I....I don't...I'm rather old to be taking on a project like this... 
God: Just give it a go, you'll be OK, I'll make sure of it. 
Noah: Right. OK and how big should I make it? 
God: Very big. It needs to hold 2 of every animal. 
Noah: Whoa whoa whoa! I mean the boat building thing fair enough but 
God: I told you to make it big. 
Noah: Ya I got that, but how am I supposed to get all these animals? 
God: Build it and they will come. 
Noah: Hold on, am I building a boat or a field? 
God: What? 
Noah: Never mind. 
God: Well you don't have to worry about the fish, they can swim. 
Noah: OK, but 
God: Or the birds. But get the flightless ones, they'll drown. Not the penguins though, they can swim. But all the other animals. 
Noah: Shit. I should be writing this down... 
God: Oh for my sake. Hurry up. 
....... 
Noah: Right, so I get 2 of every animal... 
God: Except the swimming ones and the flying ones! 
Noah: Ya, except the swimming and flying ones. 
God: Yes. 
Noah: Won't that cause an enormous ecological rift? 
God: What do you mean? 
Noah: And how will all these animals get here? Is the Earth even connected like that? 
God: Never mind that I will figure that out later. 
Noah: And I'm not sure I want to even get on this boat. 
God: You have to, it's your duty, as charged by Me! 
Noah: Fuck that! I'll build it but I'm not getting on a boat with all those animals. It will be a mad house. Absolute chaos! 
God: I never really thought of that... 
Noah: Right, I'm out of here. Good luck with that.